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| Love this phrase. |
Well, just feel like writing at this middle of the night. Probably it's because I have just done with the dramas and start stalking someone. So, just some cranky little inspiration that suddenly pops outta my fucking mind in such a gorgeous night. You know, well, maybe I should be wild a little in writing this post. Wild as in not the way I write, but maybe the content that I am going to write. It maybe a little shocking perhaps. Or maybe not. Maybe just a little messy in terms on what I am going to write. It is basically just random and completely disorganize thoughts. Or maybe it could be a little distracting, but anyhow or anyway, it is my blog, so this is my little world. Guess this is the first post from this newly-bought-and-almost-one-week-old desktop. Its my new toy!
I was wondering something actually. How may people are actually thinking of me. Let's talk about the show I have been watching. Queer As Folk is the show. It is basically talking about lives as homosexuals. I enjoyed it very much really. Ignore the sex part, the show really is something. If and only they can be accepted in our society, the world might have been a prettier place. No discrimination, only equality. You know, despite or no matter who we are, we should be embracing ourselves. Somehow, its easier said than be done. Can you imagine? We lived in such a pathetic society where LGBTs are not supposed to exist (to them) and one day will go to hell. Well, God made everyone though, in fact, it's supposed to be EVERYTHING.
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| Homophobics! Watch this! |
This holiday, I am not sure whether am I wasting it or not. Went to Singapore with my coursemates though and had some kind of very very wild experience too. I shall not blog the wild part. Stayed at my girlfriend's house, and then with my uncle and then with my friend. He is a queer. I knew him for like seriously a very long time. So, this is the thing. He is really a cool person. Very cute. Very smart, hardworking, and bitchy. What I am trying to say is, he is just a normal guy too. We had fun, we talked whole night, and then we even shared the bed. Well, it is just normal. Maybe it is weird and disgusting to some, and maybe some is starting to question me on certain things....I admit I am not that kind of macho guy out there. I used to be called as a fag, a sissy too. That was in secondary school. One and two girls in my class used to called me that way, not sure whether the guys are calling me that way or not, but, fuck it. At least I haven't heard from them that time. I don't like PE classes, I just don't like most of the sports. But hey come on, this is me. So what? All I wanted to say is, just be who you are.
Trying to tell the truth is not that hard. Yet trying to admit you are gay is really really suffocating. The society will start to make fun of you, you will be soon discriminated and then hated, and being looked down even by your parents. Some may accept. But just try not to believe in such people who say they can accept you unless he or she is gay too. That's why I think he is pretty great, although his parents obviously are not going to accept who he really is. I mean, we really have to give more concern to such people. Despite it is really hard to accept, but think, why God make all of this exist? Is this the devil's act? I don't think so. Some gays are really good and smart people. At least they are better than those straight people who harms. You know, to take that leap is really really tough. It is in fact harder than you asking me to run 10km. it all takes time.
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Do you know Ellen? She is so inspiring. I bought her book named 'Seriously...I'm just kidding' last week. This book is very hilarious I must say. Watched her shows in YouTube and discovered she is a lesbian, a very successful one. With her lovely wife, Portia and her animals. Yes, that's what she wrote about in her book. The Ellen Show is always been the show I watched on YouTube in my studio when I got the chance. Seriously, they are so damn funny for some. So, last week in Kinokuniya, I bumped into this book, and start reading it, till the end. Well, this book is practically useless but somehow ironically very inspiring. At least I did laugh like hell for some chapters. She is just awesome. One thing in this book that I find really interesting is how she become so proud of herself. So, hopefully I can be like one of them. Well, as in be at least not that self-abased. I am, really.
Sometimes, I do really hate myself. You know how does that feel? Lack of self esteem. you have to pretend until pretending has become part of you and then lack of self-esteem. Doubted myself before. Looking at those friends in high school who have been so successful just make me feel even bad at some point. Who am I? Just another guy out there. I do feel happy, feel contended, feel committed at times. This is just not the way I wanted it to be. Fine, I admit, I am lazy. That's should be the only reason why am I still like this. So, what can I say more?
Fin.
