Three months ago, I break up with her. For the good. I know it is a selfish act. However, it is really for the best of both of us. And soon after that, I received my offer letter. That was probably a sign of a good karma. It is time to let go everything. I admit there wasn't really much internal emotional struggle going on on my side, but to her, everything in her world has then shadowed with grief, pain, sadness, tears, and all things negative. One day she will understand how naive that possibly can be. However, who doesn't have such moments? We all have that one person to die for, to cry for, and to love deep down in our mysteriously stubborn heart. I, too, suffered from that once. That is why, this time, it wasn't as bad as then.
Finally, the chance that I have been waiting for is here. Right in front of my eyes. However, there are just too much obstacles that need to be sorted out in order to really grab that chance. Too much uncertainties, too much worries, too much concerns and too much pressure. The tension on me is simply too tensed, especially when you are born in a family like mines. We only live once. Perhaps, this is the biggest motivation for me to go for such difficult decisions despite all the hardships and challenges my parents are about to face. Money is of course the biggest problem. With my brother is heading to UK too this year, financially, we are restricted. However, there are still some solutions over the problem which makes me hold on to my decision.
Am I being rebellious, unrealistic, selfish and inconsiderate? Maybe yes, maybe no. I just do not want to continue living in my comfort zone. I want to see the world. I am a traveller. I want to start my career in a far more exciting level, to build my global connection, to fail, to be honest to myself at least for that few years. My parents will never understand how important this is to me. Of course things come in both ways, both sides. Of course, I have my own concerns too. I am very frightened to the idea of I will be living in a country where its currency is far more higher than Malaysia. How am I going to survive there? Yet, it doesn't really matter to me. I know I will find my way to overcome it.
I have been an obedient child to my parents for the past 20 years. 20 years without failing to prove myself worthy enough to deserve everything that I owned from my parents. I know I might not be the best student nor the highest achieving student in my course. However, I believe that this cannot stop me from going out of this country to pursue my dreams. Things isn't as shallow as it seems. Of course, I might fail over there and waste a few hundred thousand dollars. However, what are the chances for me to fail? Have I ever make myself into such predicament and dilemma? In fact, I am a better investment. Why must I always be the fighter?
I am awaked for the second time. Its almost evening now. This post is still in the process of completing. My 24 hours has gone. The CoE hasn't arrived yet. Its time to do buckle up and well, time to do my drawings.
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| Well..something like that. |
